When I was a Freshmen, I shitted myself walking home.
Okay so I just got into work...
- Thread starter toneekay
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Wow that's really drunk. Talk about a sobering bowel movement.
Worst story I have is I was in Best Buy about a year ago. I walk into the bathroom and there is the typical little kid who can't seem to piss without dropping trow. So no big deal I think (yet at the same time what parent lets there 4 year old go to the bathroom by himself in a huge store like that???). Anyways as I'm approaching the urinals I hear a fart and it's the kid just spray farting all over the place. I stopped in my tracks and didn't know WTF to do. He didn't even flinch just kept looking straight ahead like nothing was happening. I got the f**k out of there because I'll be damned if I was going to be involved in that situation. Made it to the parking lot before I started laughing so hard I had trouble breathing and seeing from crying. My friend didn't believe me until he went back in and saw a fuss going on around the bathroom area.
this isnt much of a story, the pic should speak for itself. i walked into a bathroom at school last year, opened the first stall and found this.. naturally i took a pic and made a motivational poster out of it. like.. how the f**k does this happen??
hahaha thats hilarious! especially since i'm the "facility manager" and i handle all the day to day maintenence for two buildings. i run into that problem all the time, fortunately for all my employees i try to not have them poopin in the dark! hahaha! i love my job! word to the wise, don't mess with the maintenence guys we can make life hell, as we control everything! enter maniacle laughter here!
theres nothing worse than sitting on the throne in a public bathroom or even at work and have a stranger or co-worker try to start a conversation with you, like WTF!
theres nothing worse than sitting on the throne in a public bathroom or even at work and have a stranger or co-worker try to start a conversation with you, like WTF!
toneekay
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Here's a story a while back when I was with my ex gf. Okay so she drove a TSX right...... haha f**king hilarious! We went to some girls birthday dinner on the other side of town, we just happen to be eating at an Italian restaurant. Well knowing me, I get the shits almost everytime after eating pasta! We drive back towards my house and that's when I start getting the bubble gutts. We heard the birthday girl was having a party at this other location (which is about 15 minutes from my house), I was like okay that's fine I'll just blow up their bathroom, whatever.
Man, upon arriving, there was like 7-8 cars lined up outside the gate of apartments (entry only by resident CARD, no keypad) f**king bummer. This is when it really gets interesting, I fart here and there, stomach feeling like it's f**king beating on itself, and the apt. gate is STILL NOT OPEN. I told my ex, "I'm not going to make it inside, we have to go back to my house." She was like oh stfu and wait they're almost getting the gate open. Well... As much as I didn't want to even be there, I said f**k it, turtle head in and out and I couldn't hold it anymore.
I tell you what, shitting in your pants, warm s**t at it, driving for a good 15 minutes, BUMPY road is NOT fun.
God I hated that b***h too! So far, I've shitted once and threw up once in her TSX. She's a f**king crazy ass b***h I swear.
Man, upon arriving, there was like 7-8 cars lined up outside the gate of apartments (entry only by resident CARD, no keypad) f**king bummer. This is when it really gets interesting, I fart here and there, stomach feeling like it's f**king beating on itself, and the apt. gate is STILL NOT OPEN. I told my ex, "I'm not going to make it inside, we have to go back to my house." She was like oh stfu and wait they're almost getting the gate open. Well... As much as I didn't want to even be there, I said f**k it, turtle head in and out and I couldn't hold it anymore.
I tell you what, shitting in your pants, warm s**t at it, driving for a good 15 minutes, BUMPY road is NOT fun.
God I hated that b***h too! So far, I've shitted once and threw up once in her TSX. She's a f**king crazy ass b***h I swear.
Some friends and I were skateboarding like last summer and we'd be skating for like two miles and we get to this field before my neighborhood. My friend had been complaining about needing to s**t since we were in Burger King like 3 hours before. Out of nowhere my friends just like I'm turtleheading I gotta s**t so he squats in the woods and walks up to us and is like, I didn't pull my boxers down enough and I s**t all down the back of them. We get to my friends house and he borrows boxers and gets in the shower. We told my friends mom he fell and got mud on his butt.
lol one time i was at this frat party and they have public style bathrooms at the house and i unloaded a stinker in there and a few girls walked in and were doing their make up and s**t and they were all bitching about how bad it stunk, i had to sit there for like 10 minutes waiting for them to finish doing whatever girls do before i could leave because i was too embarassed hahaha. it turns out it was the same group of girls that me and my friends had came with, i just met them that night so i couldnt tell by the voices, but i could tell from the pink cheetah print high heel i saw from under the stall.
another story, i was on my way home from school one day and i had to s**t SUPER bad, i was still a good 10 mins from home and it was to the point where i was doing like 100 mph weaving in and out of traffic, heart beating fast, and breaking out into a cold sweat. so i finally make it off the freeway and i FLY into the DQ parking lot (in a lowered car w/ front lip), im talking like 35mph up the driveway, i probably smacked my oil pan on the ground but i didnt give a f**k. pulled into the first spot sideways as f**k and hit the parking block, pulled the e-brake, turned the car off, and RAN into DQ...i made it in time but barely, i was releasing as i was sitting down ahaha. i came back outside and saw my shitty ass park job, crooked as f**k, windows down, keys still in the igniton
another story, i was on my way home from school one day and i had to s**t SUPER bad, i was still a good 10 mins from home and it was to the point where i was doing like 100 mph weaving in and out of traffic, heart beating fast, and breaking out into a cold sweat. so i finally make it off the freeway and i FLY into the DQ parking lot (in a lowered car w/ front lip), im talking like 35mph up the driveway, i probably smacked my oil pan on the ground but i didnt give a f**k. pulled into the first spot sideways as f**k and hit the parking block, pulled the e-brake, turned the car off, and RAN into DQ...i made it in time but barely, i was releasing as i was sitting down ahaha. i came back outside and saw my shitty ass park job, crooked as f**k, windows down, keys still in the igniton
Mudd Butt LMAO!
My cousin as a kid once threw up in the bathroom at the smell of his own while sitting on the pot haha he also once shat a ? mark hahaha!
My cousin as a kid once threw up in the bathroom at the smell of his own while sitting on the pot haha he also once shat a ? mark hahaha!
Nothing is worse than prairie doggin' it !!
Here's one for you.
My father and I used to hunt quite often. A long time ago we were in tree stands just being silent and what not. Low and behold.... a massive s**t starts brewing. At first I was like ahh, it'll either go away or i'll be able to wait it off. Before i knew it, I was about to crap everywhere and there is no waiting to get back to the camper. I decide to get down from the tree stand (trying not to squirt all over myself) and pull my pants down. I crap everywhere, like this was one of the nastiest craps I've ever done. Here's the catch. I was too worried about being able to hold the crap, that i forgot about toilet paper. So my only resort was some kind of leaf. As I start looking around for the most comfortable leaf to wipe with, I step RIGHT in the s**t!!! Fail ! anyways, it sucked really bad and nothing is worse than having to smell a pile of diahrea at the bottom of your tree stand for the rest of the day with dingleberries!
toneekay
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^That's f**king sick! Haha!
Okay so hears the story of me puking in my ex gf TSX. Like I said... I hated the b***h!
The night before we had a going away party for my buddie that was leaving to Iraq; as always, I somehow get s**t faced. Well the day AFTER everything (yes I made it home safe and no shitting or throwing up), me and my ex happens to go eat at a f**king CHINESE BUFFET. Who the hell eats a buffet after a night of hardcore drinking? Anyways I don't eat very much, and we later took off.
We were on the highway and about 1/2 mile away from the exit to my house (my house is like 1 minute off the highway as well). I tell her to stop I need to throw up. She refuses (f**king b***h I swear), I couldn't take it anymore and I tried to roll down the window. That s**t was rolling down slow as hell and I just happen to pull one of those exorcist throw ups and catch the side of the window as it ricochet'd back inside.
f**ked that bitches car up!!!!!
Okay so hears the story of me puking in my ex gf TSX. Like I said... I hated the b***h!
The night before we had a going away party for my buddie that was leaving to Iraq; as always, I somehow get s**t faced. Well the day AFTER everything (yes I made it home safe and no shitting or throwing up), me and my ex happens to go eat at a f**king CHINESE BUFFET. Who the hell eats a buffet after a night of hardcore drinking? Anyways I don't eat very much, and we later took off.
We were on the highway and about 1/2 mile away from the exit to my house (my house is like 1 minute off the highway as well). I tell her to stop I need to throw up. She refuses (f**king b***h I swear), I couldn't take it anymore and I tried to roll down the window. That s**t was rolling down slow as hell and I just happen to pull one of those exorcist throw ups and catch the side of the window as it ricochet'd back inside.
f**ked that bitches car up!!!!!
Hahaha, this made me LOL so loud
my roommates are trying to watch TV in the other room, I should stay away from this thread lmao.