Do you have OPD?


I'm NOT eran!
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Obnoxiousness seems to be a contagious affliction

In light of news that road rage is caused by a psychiatric illness -- Intermittent Explosive Disorder -- I would like to share my own findings. I am a clinical psychologist and have come up with a new syndrome -- obnoxious personality disorder.

It's a malady that exists mainly in Miami, although it is spreading to Broward and West Palm Beach. Some have hoped to escape it by moving to neighboring counties, but evidence of the illness isshowing up as far away as Jacksonville.

First, the good news. If you were born in Miami before 1965, you are immune from OPD. If you can remember Miami as a sleepy little beach town that rolled up its sidewalks between May and September, then you have nothing to worry about. You are also immune if you ever voted for Richard Nixon. However, if you have ever criticized someone for voting for Richard Nixon, you have OPD.

You have OPD if:

• You have ever realized that you missed your exit on the Palmetto Expressway, come to a stop and put on your turn signal.

• You have tried to persuade people behind you in the speedycheckout lane that you only have 10 items because yogurt is on sale at three for $5, therefore the 30 items in your cart count as only 10.

• You have ever asked to go ahead of me in the checkout line because you ''only have a couple of things,'' then proceeded to stop the line when you realize that you forgot to get Brussels sprouts or you proceed to write a check.

• You ditched the wife who put you through medical or law school for a younger woman, started a new family with her and now drive a foreign sports car. (You might not have full-blown OPD, but you definitely are a carrier.)

• You have ever told anyone how much better things are back home.

• You were not born here, but came in 19___ (fill in the blank), so you think that entitles you to call yourself a native. You have a severe case.

• You have a dog lighter than six pounds. And your dog has OPD, too.

• You have ever asked for balsamic vinegar at Pizza Hut.

• You are Ann Coulter. Then you have a terminal case of the disorder.

While there is no cure for obnoxious personality disorder, it can be managed.

Current thinking suggests that it is best helped by a 12-step group in which a sponsor can help the afflicted recover by pointing out how obnoxious he or she is on a daily basis. This also helps to keep people with OPD in central locations drinking coffee and smoking outside.

Unfortunately these groups are having difficulty finding spaces to rent because they are so obnoxious.

got traction

i rock the sohc
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